Love, Carol Ann Duffy Style

Christopher Plummer said that working with Julie Andrews was like being hit on the head with a Valentine's Card. Now, that's not even a back handed compliment is it?

Anyway, I was reading some Carol Ann Duffy earlier, and I thought I would share her poem Valentine. Julie Andrews could ne'er hope to be so complex...

I might have it read at my wedding.

Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

Sign Errors :-)

Something which always amused me when learning Welsh at a higher level was the mistranslation of road signs. They tend to arise from auto response emails, overly literal translations of idiomatic English or people just not paying attention. Here are a few examples which have amused me. With the translation of the Welsh in red for you to compare.

 

I am not in the office at present. Send any work for translation. 

A basic grasp of Welsh would have been an advantage for this council. Or maybe they should have bilingual autoresponses. This isn't the first time I've seen this type of error.

Bladder disease upset.

Someone clearly couldn't speak Welsh OR read English, and pulled cystitis out of the dictionary instead of cyclist. Ouch.

Pupils and wooden stakes to... gibberish. Berlewyg isn't even a word.
Parents were very upset about this sign for some reason. Maybe because their children are vampires?

Pedestrians look to the left.
Now depending on which way they should have looked, there are two possible conspiracy theories here. Either attempting to kill of native Welsh speakers or the English... either way. Dangerous.




My favourite one, which I don't have a picture of, is one I found on campus in University about a raised manhole cover. This is where the literal translation comes in. They had translated manhole literally to twll dyn... they got the raised bit right. However in Welsh, twll dyn isn't man hole but arsehole. I was wandering about all afternoon at the idea the university warning us that someone had their bum in the air... ah, little things and little minds.

What's the funniest sign you've seen?

Lottery Win Investment

On Saturday I won £10 on the lottery. I decided to use it to buy How to Write and Sell Short Stories by Della Galton, which I've heard great things about.

If I actually managed to write and sell a short story, then I would , in theory, make more than the cost of the book. However, we're still a long way off that point so I will consider my win a lottery investment in the arts.

It would be wrong to say every thing's going wrong here, but things are very confusing. I feel like I'm walking about in soup some days. The clumsiness continues, and I hit my head again yesterday. This time standing up into an open window.

Last night I had another panic attack. Hyperventilating. Boyfriend got very scared and upset. I thought my ribs were going to break. I'm still not feeling right, and my head hurts from crying. I'm going to see the doctor today. Not because I think they can solve the various concerns that I have in one appointment but I'm hoping maybe for some guidance.

Some reassurance that things are getting on top of me now, but will sort themselves out slowly.

Aros/Waiting a Translation

Aros is one of my favourite modern Welsh poems, and I decided to translate it so that others could enjoy it. I hope the poet doesn't mind, but I think it's important that more people appreciate the great literature which is still coming from Wales in our language. It was written by Mererid Puw Davies in 1996. Translation by moi :-)

Aros

aros am rywun
mewn cafe min-nosol
mwg yn wlith ar blanhigion gwyrddion
oriau'n llwenwi'r panediau coffi
a'r munudau'n siwgr arian

dal i aros am rywun
mewn cornel wlithog
sy'n lliferio o amser

aros am rywun
(na chyrhaeddith bellach)
tynnaf sgwrs a'r planhigion

aros am rywun
(dibwys beth bynnag)
tête à tête a planhigyn

a phwy a wyr alle
fod y planhigyn siriol
yn gryn dipyn mwy annwyl
gryn dipyn mwy rhywiol

na rhywun ddyfeisiais i?


Waiting

waiting for someone
in an late night cafe
smoke like dew on the green plants
hours filling the coffee cups
and silver sugar minutes

still waiting for someone
in a liquid corner
which flows from time

waiting for someone
(who won't come anymore)
I make conversation with the plants

waiting for someone
(it's not important anyway)
tête à tête with the plant

and who knows, it could
be this cheerful plant
is quite a bit more dear
quite a bit sexier

than someone I devised.

Pranked

It's been a pretty bad day today all told, first with my head injury which left me woozy and sore for most of the day, then nearly falling to my death in my grandparents garden... a leg tangled in a tricksy rhubarb leaf, a five foot drop onto concrete... my grandfather's superior balance and reflexes saving the day.

You can imagine then that I was not particularly impressed when little sister decided to "facebook rape" me when I leant her my laptop to watch a YouTube video. For those not familiar with this process, it involves posting an outrageous status on someone else's account. My rape involved details of a sex act. People from work are contacts on there.... At least I'm leaving soon.

So, I got my sister back. Though I reckon her age category are much harder to embarrass. And I decided to go a step further. She has a morbid fear of spiders and there are some whoppers about at the moment. I don't really like them either, but I can handle them with sufficient mental preparation and she knows this.

So, while she was relaxing with a book in the bath, I burst into the bathroom shouting, "I'm not looking!!!" and threw a handful of.... tomato tops at her. You know the crinkly green leaves which at first glance look like huge spiders? As soon as they hit her there was a flurry of curses and squeals. She was not impressed but is having a joke about it now.

I don't expect much comeback either... she knows I can be more inventive in terms of nasty shocking pranks when I need to be...just in case though. I've set her up to think there is another, more unpleasant surprise waiting for her tonight if she disturbs me. Psychological deterrents work very well on her.

Head Banging

I managed to knock myself out this morning. I was walking through the garden and didn't realise a beam had sagged down since I'd last been home. I was also reading a book and not looking where I was going. Bang.

I now have a huge egg on my head and a really bad headache.

Almost Forgotten Birthday :S

I remembered today that my little sister's birthday is in five days time. This means that I had almost forgotten. I won't forget again now, but it does limit the time, thought and preparation that I can put into her present.

So what do you give the girl who is about to turn twenty?

Her interests currently revolve around facebooking... partying... a bit of film, a bit of reading... fashion in so far as she has money... she's about to move into a house with her friends for her second year of university. My grandmother has already called cleaning products and an apron.

Any suggestions? Money or a gift voucher seem a bit boring....