How Not To Impress Potential Employers

Use a  Microsoft word template in open office to write your CV and fail to spot that because the headings are automatically in block capitals that if the employer happens to click default formatting (so many ask for email submissions now) that you have a heading which looks something like wORK eXPERIENCE. No. I wouldn't ask me to interview either. I suppose they did warn me that some formatting would get messed up if I saved different file types in different programmes...

I've also realised after further research that my CV is probably not concise enough and doesn't really highlight my skills effectively. Annoying, but you live, you learn, and I'm in the sort of two week notice period now (school is out in two weeks, though my contract runs til August) so I can really throw myself into applying for jobs I want. Hopefully with more success.

A website I have found quite useful today is Give Your Resume a Face lift. It tells you how to improve the graphology of your CV in word so that it stands out. I say I found it quite useful, this is because I was trying to translate the instructions for open office. They aren't 100% compatible because the measurements are different.

I've thrown a hissy fit at the computer and emailed boyfriend demanding access to his copy of Microsoft word. I'm currently taking deep breaths and eating biscuits to calm myself. I have every hope that the instructions will prove very useful later.

Curriculum Vitae/Application Forms

Sometimes I am tempted to make up a CV. A bad, wicked CV and send it out to people when I apply for jobs. A CV so full of those heinous errors they told us not to make in school that it becomes a comedy genius. How could I fail to look good in comparison?

And how do you look good? I've read so much, heck I've even taught CV writing as functional English. Everyone's opinion seems to differ. Of course they agree on some basics, but there's huge divergence. Is there ever a comfortable answer to reasons for leaving job beyond "returning to education" (eg. I'm more qualified than other applicants) or "promoted to head of..." (the universe, I'm amazing)?

Current salary is an annoyance. Yes, I'm currently paid more than you're offering, but I want to change jobs!

So I want to write a mock CV and see if I get any response other than. Dear Just, Thank you for your interest in the position of Dr Who's assistant. While we were very impressed with your CV, the field of candidates was very strong blah blah blah.

It would have to be subtle though or it would obviously be a joke, wouldn't it? So maybe I could write one like these snippets.

Hmmm.... I might just start doing this you know.

Disclaimer: The job hunt isn't going that badly. I've had another offer of a teaching job, though I'm trying to avoid that given that I stand corrected, am officially disabled and need to rest. I've got an interview for another job, but I'm not keen as it involves a two and a half hour round trip driving one day a week and my left foot is an issue. Which is an issue on the clutch in traffic jams. This CV thing would just be... a hobby.

Headhunters

So, I sent my CV to a job agency about a vacancy for a secretary in business. Nice regular hours away from teaching... An hour later, the job agency called me back saying a school had seen my CV and wanted to offer me the same role there at a higher wage...

Nice to be head hunted or whatever, I'm sure, but I applied for the other job because I wanted a change. Money is important to live nowadays, obviously, I think it's slightly offensive to pretend it isn't, but I really need time to rest and recover from all my surgery. I don't think I can do that and devote the energy and enthusiasm which is required to be a good teacher...