Sometimes I am tempted to make up a CV. A bad, wicked CV and send it out to people when I apply for jobs. A CV so full of those heinous errors they told us not to make in school that it becomes a comedy genius. How could I fail to look good in comparison?
And how do you look good? I've read so much, heck I've even taught CV writing as functional English. Everyone's opinion seems to differ. Of course they agree on some basics, but there's huge divergence. Is there ever a comfortable answer to reasons for leaving job beyond "returning to education" (eg. I'm more qualified than other applicants) or "promoted to head of..." (the universe, I'm amazing)?
Current salary is an annoyance. Yes, I'm currently paid more than you're offering, but I want to change jobs!
So I want to write a mock CV and see if I get any response other than. Dear Just, Thank you for your interest in the position of Dr Who's assistant. While we were very impressed with your CV, the field of candidates was very strong blah blah blah.
It would have to be subtle though or it would obviously be a joke, wouldn't it? So maybe I could write one like these snippets.
Hmmm.... I might just start doing this you know.
Disclaimer: The job hunt isn't going that badly. I've had another offer of a teaching job, though I'm trying to avoid that given that I stand corrected, am officially disabled and need to rest. I've got an interview for another job, but I'm not keen as it involves a two and a half hour round trip driving one day a week and my left foot is an issue. Which is an issue on the clutch in traffic jams. This CV thing would just be... a hobby.