Jason Derulo: Ladies, don't go there.

Okay, it's a bit of a posting frenzy tonight, but I've got to hone those writing skills- my CV made it past the first rounds of the journalism dogsbody position :-)

Anyway. Jason Derulo is currently rubbing himself and some young lady who is working tight black leather. Now this isn't about his obsession with singing his own name or synthing Jay jay jay Arrrrr. It's not even about this Beluga Heights thing; that's been mentioned before.

My issue (it's fair to call it that) is his song lyrics. Oops I slept with someone else, but don't worry, because when I'm in a position to I will attempt to buy your affection. And as for that "In My Head" song...

Ladies, picture the scene. You're at the club, maybe he's right. Maybe you are looking for love and that's the whole reason for you attending. Across the dance floor, a handsome stranger catches your eye. Your eyes meet. Could it be destiny? He dances over, bends down and says, "In my head I see you all over me, in my head you fulfil my fantasy, I can see you going down..."

How do you respond? Maybe you're the kind of girl who goes in for being sexually objectified for the way she looks and you are won over by his attempts at seduction. In that case I suggest you seek counselling for some major self esteem issues. Me? I'm afraid it would be a case of punch first, ask questions later.

What a little creep.

Funny/Clever Youtube Video

Check this youtube video out. Genius. I may over use that word... but it is really good.

Home Alone: Not the Film

I've never been afraid of being in the house or flat by myself- except maybe one time when I lived in a bedsit in a rough area of Reading and there was an earthquake AND a giant punch up outside my not too stable flat door, but those were exceptional circumstances.

Lots of my friends are terrified of being in their homes by themselves, and will go to stay with their parents if their boyfriend is out for the evening. I think it's quite a sad situation. I've always kind of enjoyed my own time in the house, even from when my parents started leaving me alone at fourteen or fifteen. Though I guess we did have a pretty big dog.

Anyway, tonight I've spooked myself a bit. The boyfriend has gone out, and I'm at home because my leg is awful again. I just went to the bathroom, and our shower curtain was pulled across the bath and fluttering in the breeze. It was like a scene from Psycho or something. I guess he put it like that to dry it, but for a moment I couldn't bring myself to pull it back. Spooked.

Then I had to go and check the house for intruders.

Now I've established that everything is safe, I have my pizza in the oven and Julia and Julia ready to play. I decided to go for something warm and light hearted as opposed to the thriller I was planning on. My imagination is clearly already running riot down a dark path. Let the voyage of self discovery via French cuisine begin.

Snark Hunting

In the midst of the word he was trying to say

In the midst of his laughter and glee

He had softly and suddenly vanished away

For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.*

So, just bear that in mind, and be cautious when you go hunting your own Snark. The thing is... the thing is... Can you be over cautious?

* from Lewis Carroll's Hunting of The Snark

Donkey Spotting

I've been immobilized again today. I made the mistake of thinking that my leg was up to walking about 30 metres yesterday, and had to run around loads for work. The result? My leg feels like it's been broken, the achey pain you get when they've numbed you with painkillers but not quite enough...

Work has become even more of a joke recently. Management is getting worse and worse. Having failed Ofsted we're meant to be working towards improving, but communication is getting worse and people seem to assume that if they say things will be done, they will get done without anyone taking any actions. There was the most disastrous example of this the other morning, but I can't give examples just yet as I am paranoid someone from work will come across this and recognise me.

I've spent the whole day applying for jobs.

The whole thing makes me think of this Sitcom that used to be on TV here called Teachers. It was about a raggle taggle bag of unprofessional teachers who did the bare minimum to get by while the incompetent fools in management only made things worse. Totally unrealistic (I thought at the time) and totally hilarious.There were always insane things going on, and one Christmas episode a donkey was walking through the corridor bedecked with fairy lights etc. In my memory after this, the donkey would always show up whenever something crackers happened. I find myself looking around  expecting to see the donkey everywhere... 

This cannot be real, surely? I must be living in the age of reality TV through some version of The Truman Show...

Extreme Heat Affecting Writing

I like to look at the map of my site visits and see where all the different people are visiting from. There have been people in Malaysia, India, Egypt, Texas, LA, Florida... incredible. But I think visitors in these locations share an important trait I lack. They know how to handle heat. And will have little sympathy with me here!

We've just had a scorching weekend in the UK. By scorching, I'm not entirely sure of the top temperatures reached, but I had heard night temperatures of 17 Celsius and day temperatures of 27 banded around for where I live. This will be a joke to many, but I cannot cope with the heat.

I have strawberry blonde hair, incredibly pale skin and if I go outside without suncream on an average summer's day I burn. I have to wear factor 50 plus designed for small children. I tend to find a cool spot to lie in with a book, then flop away from the heat. I get headaches and cranky.

I've been trying to rewrite a short story I submitted to a magazine, using some of their feedback. I want to write a frame to develop the main character further, so that readers will sympathise with their actions more. I know exactly what I want to write too. It is just far too hot.

Driveway Violation

Someone who I do not know is parked on my drive. Not in a space I like to claim as my space. On my bloody driveway blocking my bloody garage. How rude is that? So I had to park a few streets over. And hobble back to my flat with my sore foot. I am so angry.

If I could safely park to block them in for the rest of the night without annoying other road users I really really would. ARgggh. It's just so rude! Who does that? Who pulls up on a total strangers drive and leaves their car there for the day without permission? It is 6:30 pm!!! Rant rant rant.